A child’s temperament determines how they will behave, think, and interact with the world. Identifying your child’s temperament is the first step to understanding it. Once you know what temperament your child has, you will be able to work with it, helping your child learn to adjust as well as improving the relationship between you.
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Identifying Your Child’s Temperament
When you have identified your child’s temperament, you will know how to help your child express their fears and desires in a more healthy way. You will also be able to anticipate issues before they arise and potentially redirect your child to a more appropriate response.
To identify a child’s temperament, think about how they go through their day. Are they fairly active or more calm? An active child may prefer to play outside, while a calm child could be content to draw. Does your child greet new experiences cautiously, happily, or fearfully? Cautious children take longer to be comfortable in new situations, but eventually adjust after repeated exposure to the new person or place. Understanding how your child is likely to behave and react to experiences can give you clues to make the experiences easier for both of you. If your child is shy, don’t force them to speak to a new person until your child is ready.
Young children can typically be categorized into three groups: active and feisty, easy and flexible, and cautious. Remember that none of these categories or traits are either good or bad. Every trait has its advantages and challenges. A child who is not easily distracted from a task may have a difficult time having to put toys away before they are finished playing. The same child may be praised for their persistence in finishing a task when given enough time.
Understanding Your Child’s Temperament
Now that you know what temperament your child has, you should try to identify your own. If your child is calm and cautious, but you are active and feisty, imagine how tough it must be for them sometimes. Look for ways to create a connection.
Flexible, easygoing children are less fussy, so it may be more difficult for you to know when they are upset about something. Work on identifying and naming feelings. Encourage communication of their needs.
Active children need space to release some of their energy. When transitioning from one activity to the next, be patient and use transition reminders. These children may experience intense reactions, so getting down on their level and identifying their feelings will help them recognize emotions and calm down as the children get older.
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Cautious children need extra support when encountering new people or situations. Remind them what will be happening next and give extra time to adjust to new experiences. For example, if your child is nervous about playing with other children at the park, you can remind them that you will be sitting on a bench and watching them play. That way, they know where you are if they need you, and feel secure in exploring away from you.
Your child’s basic temperament will not change, but you can help them learn ways to adapt. While their temperament is not changeable, the intensity of their reactions is. Providing support for your child based on their temperament will teach them how to interact appropriately with the world.