It’s never easy to deal with criticism, whether you’re an Olympic figure skater or a graphic designer, but it’s doubly difficult to handle it when the critic is questioning your parenting skills. Unfortunately, every parent will encounter the odd barb along the way. Sometimes it’s merited, sometimes it’s spiteful, but when you have kids, you’ve can’t expect constant praise of your child-rearing ability. So how can parents deal with critics without losing friends, sending their stress levels soaring and turning what should be a wonderful experience into a social nightmare?
Be Ready to Respond With a Smile
The best way to neutralize parental snarks could be to take a pre-emptive approach. It’s possible to learn how to make a positive, friendly response to even the most biting critics.
Try to make your first response a smile. You might be boiling inside, but the act of forcing a smile prompts your mind to get over the initial anger, and might just defuse a tricky situation.
Always Keep an Open Mind
Nobody is a perfect parent, and everyone makes mistakes now and then. So keep an open mind about how to improve your parental practices and be open to suggestions from others.
That doesn’t mean folding and accepting criticism from any quarter; you’ve got to stand up against spiteful bullies. But it’s also vital to stay reflective and be ready to take on board constructive criticism.
It’s important to accept that there are two kinds of critic: the ones who have your interests at heart and want to offer genuine advice, and those who only want to undermine you. It’s easy to bundle them all into one mass of opponents and enemies, but it’s never that simple.
Explain What you are Doing and Why
Sometimes, critics just don’t get it. They might see you feeding your child in a certain way, or giving them more freedom than they are accustomed to allowing their own children. There’s no single way to be a parent, but not everyone realizes that.
If you think your critic is simply confused about your parental methods, have an explanation ready to educate them. That way, you can diffuse any tension about your own methods and help them to improve too. In a neat inversion of the situation, criticism can lead to better parenting skills on both sides, instead of degenerating into a row.
Detect When People are Simply Being Spiteful
Not everyone can be reasoned with. Every parent will encounter a few people who just develop a grudge against them. It could be your success in raising a happy, healthy child that sparks their anger, or it could be something totally unrelated. Either way, this kind of critic can’t be appeased with a smile or an explanation.
In cases like this, you’ve got a few options. One way is to simply ignore the individual. If you don’t gratify them with a response, bullies often lose interest. The same goes for super-critical parents or friends. They will soon head off to bother someone else if you give them the cold shoulder.
Another strategy is to divert attention by changing the subject. There’s always something going on elsewhere, whether it’s a TV that needs switching on, a toy to get out of a box, or a pizza that needs to be taken out of the oven. Just briskly move onto another topic or task and leave your critic talking to thin air.
Have a Cooling-Off Period to Clear the Air
In extreme cases, you might need to create some space between you and your critic. Parenting skills can be a divisive issue; it can even separate close friends if they have children at the same time. There’s a competitive element to child-rearing that parents deny at their peril, and it can tear relationships apart.
If you want to preserve your friendship, but you are offended by your critic’s attitude, it’s a good idea to cool off. There’s nothing wrong with zoning out and ceasing contact for a week or two. It might seem rude at first, but it’s better than escalating your argument into a feud.
Arguments are Natural, but Criticism Still Hurts
If you take the right approach, parental criticism can be less wounding, and you can avoid the fallout from bitter arguments about how to bring up kids. Having children naturally makes people defensive. Parents tend to assume they know what’s best for the children in every aspect of their lives, and they hate to have their judgement questioned.
The trick is to defend your parenting skills and fight your corner, without cutting yourself off from concerned and helpful critics. With a positive mindset, an open attitude, and a few strategies to defuse difficult situations, you can take on board good advice and neutralize even the most opinionated critics.